Who is the funniest comedian in the world
TOP 10 Funniest Comedians That Made SIMON COWELL Laugh on AGT & BGT | Got Talent Global
My name is Alec Hooper from Los Angeles, California and
Tell me why events the show this year. I just want to inspire the world through happiness positivity and comedy Oh,
Alex we'll look you've got about two minutes. So good luck. Thank you
Before I begin I'd like to acknowledge your host Tyra Banks
Tyro I truly admire your courage
It must be so difficult to host a show like this and still find a way to make it about you
Somebody get his ass. Oh
That was just an appetizer
Howie
Mandel yes a Canadian
Judging America's Got Talent. What happened? Did they already find all three talented Canadians?
I'm so glad you're here. I've always wanted to know what a big toe would look like if it were a person
With Bobby's world let's move on to spice world. That'll be
Scary spice. Hey, the only thing scary about you is your solo career
Heidi klum, you are
Magical for children and that your body looks as though you haven't paid attention to any of them
Hi dear, you are a natural beauty. Why does it look like your face went through a sephora? Sample sale? Oh my god
I want any what you're gonna say Oh getting to him, don't you?
Simon I'm confused didn't we form this country to get away from Brits like you?
But Simon from all of us thank you for fixing your British teeth those things are so straight and white
They were just offered positions and Trump's cabinet
Good evening. Good evening. What's your name? I'm Mickey Mickey. Yeah, where you from darling?
I'm from the beautiful city of Leeds
How old do you Mickey I'm 36, do you have a day job or is this your full-time job?
I am a part-time primary school teacher
Enjoying your food
Yeah, you've gotta wait
The stage is yours Mickey go for it. Thank you very much Cheers
This is called the absolutely amazing song. Yes
About travelling around Europe. Oh
that rhymes
Like I'm after Paris in a Yaris this next song I
Know this is supposed to be a comedy routine, but I've I've suffered loss recently
So I just want to get this off my chest I am
Joey I'll play the song said I've got a bit emotional talking about it. I
Can't believe I've lost you I
Can't believe you've gone I
Need you to know that
You did nothing wrong
First time I saw you
Just hang in there the checkout lady said you want to buy one of these and I said
You were my
Prize
You cussed almost 10 pence and I only you still try
The other bags I use compared to you wash luck
I always feel that the handle strap is gonna
Happen to you as well
Thank you very much
Well done Mickey Simon, what did you make of that it was silly, but it was fun
I liked the first song in particular Oh Thank You Simon the quick one, but
very very very funny very observational and I was particularly choked up but the beggar
Feliciano it's all for my controller. What was really funny was seeing him and having explained to Simon what bad polite
1981 I got it in the end
You don't need me to tell you how funny I do watch Allah
You are brilliantly brilliantly funny and if you carry on like this I can see even the final of Britain's Got Talent
And I'd love to hear more from you Mickey it's a yes for me
Love you, it's a yes from me my girl
You know what unlike some acts who are kind of like not funny then are funny you are always funny
Even at my expense so you've got a yes
Hello Simon, we really really enjoyed your first audition of all the comedians we had you were the one I remembered now
I know you nervous what's going through your head? Well, you know, just hope the jokes turn out good. The audience likes it
There's four dollars in it for every one of you who laughs
Talia
Vicki I always ask this question million dollars, what would you do with the money?
I'd buy a trailer in Malibu so I could be closer to you
That's a good outside. Okay. Well can't wait to see what's gonna happen next. Good luck. Thank you so much
Thank you so much I got a new outfit do you like it? Thank you feel like it. Thank you
Thank you. I shop local I did I found this at the hospice thrift store of Beverly Hills
Thank you. My daughter is like mom, that'd sound grounds Hospice. Yeah, what if somebody died in it?
At least she died sexy
I mean, I'm kind of clueless, you know, but it seems to me kids today are a little bit entitled. Am I right, right?
Okay
So my daughter turns 16 and she says mom, I want to go to Coachella and I want you to get me a hotel room
Listen to yourself a hotel room. I mean if you can't find a guy who can afford a van by now
When I grew up my mom and her friends, they partied 24/7, you know, they always
Always brought flasks on field trips. Okay, right. So I go on my daughter's first field trip
I take my flask, right?
I'm not gonna get on a bus full of first grader sober not not ever. Okay, I
Take on my flask, you know a little sip
And all the other field trip moms. They just go ballistic. They're like, she's got a flat. She's got a class
You know like I'm some kind of terrorist, right?
Will it calm down beyond?
I'm not driving this bus
But I feel bad few young moms, I wouldn't want to be a young mom today not for anything
The pressure is unbelievable, right? You got to teach your baby to read
Baby sing today what your stupid little baby read?
My baby to read I don't want my baby crawling around going what's past do
Shut up baby your little baby face
Thank you guys for dollars everybody well Vicki
Okay, Olivia first time you saw Vicki. What do you think? I love you so much
You talk the way that like my friends and I talk and
They're so funny. And I just want to say you shut your little baby face gay everybody
Hello
And who and who you I'm Jeff Robinson. I am 33
I'm from North London as what do you do as a day job?
So I'm trying to be a full-time performer, but during the week I work with kids that have special needs
Great
Tell me why he decided to enter Britain's Got Talent
I've wanted to enter for a few years now, but I've always chickens out
But quite a lot has changed for me in the last year
So it was happened Oh fun things like moving house getting divorced, you know good things
What's the axe you're gonna do today, you're gonna be doing some impressions
Okay, well good luck, I'm so nervous it's stupid deep breath deep
Hope names don't get the better up hooks is good
Go single
Good
Simon mrs. O has a fabulous new game
You have to choose between me Katherine Jenkins
Wow, oh you'll be in it
We've got a big food food fight for the club boy. You've gotta
Please wouldn't recognize me boys
Good evening. What's your name? My name is Samuel Jake AMRO. I'm a stand-up comedian
I've been doing comedy for 10 years. Now. Do you do it full-time? Yeah do it full-time
Okay
Are you nervous? No, I I have Tourette syndrome. So I switch the lab
I'm blink real fast my head flops around if you see that it's kind of cute
Thank you
What does this mean to you coming to AGT now this means everything I've worked my entire life for a moment like this
They don't come very often. I'm really grateful
I just had a baby girl and this is a beautiful opportunity Wow, and your family is all supportive of this career
Yes, since I started they've been 100% behind me. So very
Well, you know what it's scary enough doing whatever you do to hit that X and I just want the best for you
I really do. Thanks so much. Go ahead
Thank you
It's like I said, I have Tourette syndrome, it's while my hair flops around I blink real fast it's weird
It always looks like I'm trying to tell you a secret
This twitch gets me in trouble. My roommate came home from work I was like, doh our neighbor died
He said did you kill him like nah
Yo, this is a true story when I was 10 years old my parents sent me to tourettes camp
Yeah, that's where the joke should end
It's a real place and I didn't realize it till this moment
But I found out that when other people twitch it makes me twitch more
So on the first day they put us in a circle with a hundred kids
The kid next to me did a shoulder roll and my Tourette's saw that and took that as a challenge
And I threw him a head flop
The girl next to him did a full body twitch and everybody saw that in all hell broke loose
Kids were rolling on the ground. I was in the corner like why they send us here our
Parents were on top of a hill like all their breakdancing
I'm saying your J camera. Thank you
Hello, my name is Robert
III I just turned 30 11 years ago, so
If it's your job would you have a normal job? Um, I teach tiny little primary school channel to music as well
So I do that which isn't this
Okay best of luck
Alright so um face basically I've written a song
Specifically for for you, which makes me nervous and also I'm slightly nervous because got something called dyslexia
Which is it, which was very good for music because when I was young I taught myself the piano
Although it's not so good as I'm older. I recently tried to book tickets for Rihanna my book tickets for Ryanair. Um,
Thank you, I've got something called Asperger syndrome, which means I'm a genius
No, it's nice to be here I've had a bit of a rough week
I've actually moved into a flat with was my boyfriend your boyfriend gay
And and autistic two ways. I can't think straight and
I
Usually when I do clubs I swear a lot so I've got to be PC
I've done the song which is literally be see because it's about computers and
I have done it three times and each time people have laughed. So if you don't you're wrong, okay?
Thank you George for me working in a computer talk I
Work in the computer shop maker Kabuto bright and clean
So much crumbs and vomit and don't ask what's on the screen
I do half the work juts double the time you would want a job like mine if you would find the things I find
cleaning of Microsoft Windows
David Walliams wanted to update his content reminder. He brought me a massive ring binder, but when I looked all the contacts were from brighter
Webcam was another case. She said the picture
Was too lovely her face was too lovely
Amanda Holden was the only one who's in scrum was on the mark. She said her outfits have so much spunk
I said I'm just jealous. I'll never dress like you because I don't
Simon Cowell's Facebook was round the bend. He brought it to me to try to mend. It wasn't broken. It's just got no
Oh
Oh
Rubber I love you Wow
I mean everything you said was hilarious. You're just a beautiful soul comedy flows from you like water
I lovely had a go at us all I think some people were more hurt than others
Some was just entirely truthful
That's I just can't wait to see what you're gonna do next
We start to finish that was hilariously funny you're a shining star
We're very self-deprecating and I think you have funny bones and the audition was fabulous
Robert you know what you're very unique you very quirky very funny very naughty
Robert
which we like
I'm saying yes rubber white you go for yes to coagulate
Hello, hey Doc, what's your name, please? My name is Preeti Lawson. I love that and how are you?
I'm 25, I turned 26 in two hours
Are you single married? I have a girlfriend you have a girlfriend she's dope. Yeah
and
What do you do for a living? I'm a stand-up comedian, which means I'm unemployed and I do stand-up on the side
All right best of luck, right?
I
Got a motorcycle I don't like telling people
I have a motorcycle coz every time I tell someone they always got to tell me a story
About how the friends crashed on a motorcycle, you know, like why do people have to be so negative?
I don't go up to pregnant women telling them my dad left
So annoying so annoying
I walked at my apartment one time right? I walked in my apartment and my neighbor walked up to me
She's like, oh my god. You got a motorcycle. Are you Cyrus? Are you sorry you better be careful
I got in a car wreck the other day. My car flipped eight times. I'm looking to be laughs bliss
She black by the way
This is like, you know those that is crazy that's your car flip eight times you alive
You are blessed, you know, and now I'm over here thinking who the heck counted right like
Who's that calm when their cars flipping in?
My name is Chris, thank you so much. I appreciate it. How's that?
Feature can I have just one more joke?
Aha
All right. I don't feel safe driving with my grandma because she's really spiritual
She loved the Lord to the point where she's not afraid of dying, so I don't like that. All right, I
Don't like being in the car with someone that's not afraid of death
Okay, like hey, she got that attitude like it's top down going to heaven so I don't battle
I'm like, it doesn't matter cuz I'm gonna talk, okay
This that spiritual my crown is if I got shot in the chest with a gun eight times instead of calling the ambulance
She would get on her knees praying like please Lord Jesus I get these demons
I sign my grandbaby stress block that borders rise up and by the way sperm is chest black mode to do the Ramseys
Is
Leo John 3:16
Hello, my name is Lee and for obvious reasons, I'm also known as the lost voice guy
Okay, and how long have you lost your voice? I?
Just knew you were going to ask something that I hadn't thought about
beforehand
So, please excuse the awkward silence while I type out my answer
I've been speechless for 37 years. Well, tell me why you decide when to the show the ship
I think I entered Britain's Got Talent for the same reason everyone does
to meet Ant & Dec this
Is all going so well up until that point the stage League is yours
Hello ladies and gentlemen as
You may be able to tell I'm a struggling stand-up comedian who also struggles to stand up
To be honest, I'm not sure how good I am
I'll leave that for you to decide
But just so you know if you don't laugh but the disabled guy you are going to help
Well, I realized I'd never be able to talk again I was speechless I
Have lived in Newcastle all my life
Yes, but for some reason I still hadn't picked up the accent. I
Can see that some of you are trying to figure out where you know me from
Maybe it would help if I started saying phrases such as the next train to arrive on
this world
And from my time at the post office, please go to cashier number later I
Got the train here today, I
Always like to sit in those seats for disabled people. I
Was about halfway here when another disabled person got on and asked me to move. I
Didn't realize I'd be playing disabled Top Trumps when I got on or I would have dressed more special
Needless to say I didn't give up my seat
Who cares if he was both blind and deaf I?
Was there first?
It was very awkward. He couldn't see that I was still there and
I couldn't tell him I wasn't moving because I can't speak
Before I leave you I have one more thing to say I
Hate that we have so many
politically correct words to describe
Disabled people now
It's all special needs
special schools
special olympics, I
Don't know. What is so special about me
That is white always alarms me when I hear about special forces going to war
You've been a fantastic audience
Goodbye
Hi
Hi, welcome to America's Got Talent
Thank you. How are you feeling today?
I'm
Okay
Okay, what's your name? And where you from? I'm Oliver graves and I'm from Santa Rosa, California
how do you
I'm 32 and
What are you gonna be doing for us? I am a stand-up comedian
Is that what you do? Yeah
Are you in a relationship or married?
um
No, I'm not I'm single all I think this guy is perfect for you. I
Think we should just that Oliver do what he's gonna do. Okay go for it
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day well not if you're poisoned
Then the antidote becomes the most important meal
I'm trying to find the woman of my dreams, but it's a struggle because I'm an insomniac I
Tried online dating under be people that say must love dogs. I didn't understand why
Like I want to love a person
But it all made sense once I looked at the faces of the people that were saying that
Dating is really hard for me like compatibility wise like like I'm a Virgo so that means
Yeah
That means I'm only compatible with people that are really naive and believe in horoscopes. I
Traded in my car to get my interest rates lowered it worked women are less interested in me. I
Once had my identity stolen
It's okay they gave it right back
Thank you
You're so different you're humble and real and dark is everything that I absolutely love
From the moment, you walked out your visual your your and your cadence and everything and you're smart and you're bright
I think you didn't get the reaction you expected. So you're not used to this for you know, that is that what you're crying. I
Don't get booked in a lot of shows
You know enjoy your free time right now because you are gonna be a busy man
Well, although
We have had
A lot of stand-up comedians this year now when I look back and I try and remember them all they all blur into
one type
apart from you
I'm gonna kick this off with your first. Yes, brother. Thank you
I'm giving you your second. Yes
For years congratulate
I know it's funny. It was funny. I love them. I like the below I
Know I'm not what everything they're saying. I'm not the
It's teacher pillow
Hello hello, hi, you look happy
I'm quite delighted
At what's your name? It's my name is de Lisa de lis search upon that
Amazing Malawi and name Malawi. Yes, so I'm from alive, but I live in Manchester. Why have you come on Britain Scott?
I've come to make the people laugh. I am a comedian. I
Would love the winner of Britain's Got Talent this year to be a comedian. Oh, no pressure no pressure
Who are you here with so I'm here just alone
I my brother no, no he wanted to come he's a doctor and he was like either I should save lives or come with you
Well, your parents disappointed that one of you was a comedian one of you was a doctor they were absolutely horrified because I was studying
Computer programming so I had a future
Okay, excellent
Well, I'm at that age now all my friends are getting married and married people forget how horrible it is being single
They love to call me and complain about their company problems. Always get you're so lucky being single I get home
My wife just starts nagging nag nag nag up. Like I have to nag myself. I
Get home like what time do I call this?
Why don't I ever do the dishes
Sometimes I think I don't appreciate myself
I
Haven't always been a comedian. I did some weird jobs. I used to clean houses and I'll admit I was tempted to steal I
Didn't steal cook the Bible says thou shalt not steal. But nowhere does it say thou shalt not swap?
I took a stereo left a Walkman took a plasma screen left an etch-a-sketch
As I mentioned I am from Africa I moved here ten years ago and immediately I moved here
I heard a lot of British people talking about the
Financial crisis the recession. I'm from Africa. What are you maniacs talking about?
You call that a crisis if that's a crisis. Where's UNICEF?
Where is Bono
I've not seen one save the UK concert
You can tell me it's a financial crisis when their planes flying over Birmingham tossing fish and chips out the window
It will be in a financial crisis when their ads on television
Saying this chap has to walk five miles of there
To get a bottle of wkd blue
And 100% you have got a financial crisis when India starts opening call centres here
Can you imagine some pro guide Mumbai calls Bank ends up talking to a bra me
Thank you so much
Right
I
Just want to say I think you're bloody hilarious
Thank you
self-deprecating funny relevance, I mean laughs after laughs after laughs
It just kept on coming and I really want you to win the entire Syria
I think you have a golden future. I think so buddy. I'm shocked and delighted
My face is hurting from laughing I'm so pleased that a man depressed our golden buzzer
Whew, you are brilliant, and I cannot wait to hear more from you. We're done
You should be a comedy superstar all the jokes were really original and
You are incredibly likeable. I couldn't fault it well done
No need do I think you're an undiscovered all-star I could see you owning your own show
If what you did was so funny and naughty
Unique this is why we make shows like this to find people like you
Oh
